I never new how it felt to loose something you wanted so bad life always gives new lessons and well i was never prepared to wat i went threw few weeks ago on april 2012.I cant imagine how people can feel loveing a person one minute and looseing them the next after so many memories although my story were only for 9 weeks i loved this baby oh so much from the very start if love could have saved my baby it would have never died . I had a miscarriage although it wasnt like most and cant be explained The causes of miscarriage are not well understood. Most of the miscarriages that occur in the first trimester are caused by chromosomal abnormalitiesin the fertilized egg. Most often, this means that the egg or sperm had the wrong number of chromosomes and as a result, the fertilized egg can't develop normally.
Sometimes a miscarriage is caused by problems that occur during the delicate process of early development. This would include an egg that doesn't implant properly in the uterus or an embryo with structural defects that prevent it from developing so the doctors say it can be millions of reasons if you come to think about it was it stress, was i eating enough ect....but in da end all i can think of was why me.I decided to write my story has a comfort to other women who went through the same pain has me.
I got pregnant in march and i found out by the end of that month it was 5 years since i have had another baby yes i have 2 adorable kids 2 boys.But knowing i was pregnant after so long brought me so much joy i teared when i seen that test posetive.Every day i wake up knowing i had a life inside me and another child to care for. In da start everything was going good although i always stress thinking that theirs something wrong with my baby just cause i had not heard its heart beat yet or seen a doctor so one day i was haveing cramps decided to go to the e.r and they told me no worries everything is fine. A week later i was pukeing aloot none stop that week i lost a few pounds couldnt even keep down liquids i went again to the e.r the put me on a i.v i was dyhydrated and they prescribed me pills for no pukeing it helped some days other days i would be the same weeks past i felt like i couldnt do anything i did things so slow i felt like the world was falling on top of me and these cramps but the hospital would always say it was normal. I changed doctor and i didnt make an appt till i was 9 weeks the doctor i changed to was very buzy when i finally had my appt with him i was nervous also because i had this weird spotting but though nothing of it if i had 2 healthy boys.The doctor called me in and was doing an ultrsound on me and i seen my baby and i seen him searching and searching and he tells me somethings wrong when i heard those words i new then wat hed say next was bad my heart raced i could feel it almost tryna get out of my chest and i teared but when he told me no heart beat i asked wat do you mean he says your baby died. That day i came out of my house happy wanteing to hear and see my baby thinking it was healthy but the news i got was not even close it had stop growing and their was no heart beat. Although iam and still trying to deal with it im devastated how this happened to me i went the next day to do another ultrasound and still nothing that weekend i had a dnc done but i still sit on my bathroom tub and cry for that lost baby i wish i had it in my belly its sad to not knoe when someoone u love is leaving and you couldnt say goodbye like my baby it was gone before i knew it in life i love it dearly in death ill love it still
my heart is broken but it was gods choice.For all the women who can relate to this story im sorry
my condolences to you please read this poem it may help you like it did to me.
I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!
R.I.P my dear angel....
